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Humor and Jokes


You know you're living in modern times when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this joke.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.


Jerry Seinfeld on "Eating out"

"Went out to dinner the other night, check came at the end of the meal as it always does. Never liked the check at the end of the meal system. Because money's a very different thing before and after you eat.

"Before you eat, money has very little value. When you're hungry, you sit down in a restaurant, you're like the ruler of an empire. You don't care about cost. You want maximum food in minimum time.

"More drinks, appetizers, quickly, quickly. Fried things in the shape of a stick or a ball. It will be the greatest meal of our lives.

"Then, after the meal, once you're full, you can't remember ever being hungry ever in your life. You see people walking into the restaurant, you can't believe it. "Why are these people coming in here now? I'm so full. How could they eat?" You've got the pants undone, napkins destroyed, cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes. You never want to see food again as long as you live. That's when the check comes. This is why people are always mystified by the check.

"What is this? How could this be?" They start passing it around the table.

"Does this look right to you? We're not hungry now, why are we buying all this food?"

Jerry Seinfeld


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